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Are you a fascinating person? Maybe you are and you don’t know it. But what is it about you that captivates others and makes them value you so highly that they are fixated on you?
Fascination might happen somewhere between obsession and liking, but where the best balance is, well no one can answer that for sure. It might be situational, but for sure, everyone has their opinion.
Name some people who fascinate you. Movie stars, athletes, singers, or politicians. Now that’s boring. But hey, I was fascinated as a boy by Farah Fawcett, the vacant blonde actress that Hollywood was pushing at the time. Silly boy controlled by the Hollywood machine. And that’s when women discovered the power of their hair. Guys could not get enough of Farah Fawcett.
Fascination and the Child Inside You
Your own parents fascinated you and you looked in their eyes to find some gem of insight. Do they really care about me? What are they thinking and what do they care about? And they were fascinated by the innocence and wonder in your eyes and wishing they could have that again too. And who isn’t fascinated with a child’s personality and how fast they learn?
Meet Sally Hogshead who really believes in the emotion of fascination, that sense of captivation we all feel when we meet someone who captures our imagination or who seems to embody what we value most — it could be fame, fortune, power, beauty, brains, brawn, experience, accomplishments, talent, or just their personality. Are we wrong or right in what should fascinate us? Who determines what is right or wrong?
Why does it dominate our attention? Someone who fascinates us can make us almost obsessive in our attention to their every move and communication. Is it our mind our heart telling us something? Is fascination a fateful allure? There’s no doubt it is compelling.
Fascination is About Challenges
We can be fascinated by and with a lot of things — art, music, food, travel destinations, sports, nature, science and more. Disabled people can be a source of fascination too. I played baseball with a guy that had one arm. He was one of our pitchers and wasn’t too bad. I was fascinated about how he could make the team with only one arm. My own struggles seemed inconsequential.
I’m watching a TV program right now about a man with no lower body who is climbing mount Kilmanjaro just with his arms. He would definitely be a source of fascination for what he is overcoming. People who overcome are fascinating.
Fascination might be the first step to mastery, happiness, and success. Without fascination, our real understanding and appreciation of someone or something is shallow. Fascination shows that we really are “into it” and without that we’re not likely to persuade anyone. Our fascination or interest gives us the power to connect and capture some of what we like in that person. It has survival value.
It is Healthy until Proven Otherwise
And fascination can happen without our conscious intervention. We all have self control however and we can intervene on any fascination that’s not healthy. Because fascination is actually an extension of ourselves, a point of focus for powerful feelings, we have to assume that it is good and healthy.
Fascinating Other People
Some believe fascination is central to being compelling and valued by others, and in being persuasive. It’s very doubtful that you would date or marry anyone who didn’t fascinate you. Fascination may be the magnet and the glue of all your relationships.
The website howtobefascinating.com offers an in-depth look at this topic and it has a personality test to help you discover your personality type and what your key fascination triggers are. I haven’t taken the test yet, but I can see the value in this.
Captivate to Persuade
Whether we’re dating, going for a job interview, or trying to persuade someone, our ability to captivate them emotionally will probably determine our success more than the things we commonly think of. Others may find us fascinating for other reasons than we think.
Is it accurate? Your guess is as good as mine at this point, but I think you’re capable of reasoning it through and deciding whether it has merit.
When’s the last time you tried to be fascinating? I think we all do this but we’re not very effective at it. We think we have to have everything going for us to be fascinating. We have to be “all that” to someone. But you know, when you strike out with someone you want to date or you don’t get that great job, the thought that you’re not all that fascinating comes to mind. You have to step up your fascination level as part of your own unique value proposition.
Being fascinating simply means putting it all together for more impact. Sally Hogshead’s pursuit in this field is all about finding what’s fascinating about us and then finding a way to strategically focus it for maximum persuasive effect. So it’s not manipulative. You’re taking what you’ve got and making the most of it — maximizing your unique value proposition.
So what is the essence of fascination that by perfecting the process, we can become more powerful and successful with other people? It’s in discovering other people’s values — the deepest wishes that drive them.